Warning! Be Aware of the Inner Bitch

by Ali Piazza

You’re fat. You’re ugly. You can’t do it. You will fail. You’re useless. You’re stupid. You’re selfish. You SUCK!

These are the myriad of thoughts that may run through your head on a regular basis. They are often accompanied with feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and depression. All of which keep you stuck. And being stuck stinks.

But who or what is ultimately keeping you there?

Our Duality

We all have two sides within us. Because of the nature of opposition, one cannot exist without the other. One side wants to keep you stuck (which is safe and comfy, but is often dark) and the other wants to change (which is scary and unknown, but is often full of light) and lucky you gets to choose which route you want to take!

Personally, I’m a big fan of the scary yet light route because it allows for the most growth. Now it’s not easy, because it’s scary and the fear can be immobilizing. But it’s only scary in your head.  I’m not talking about doing crazy, scary things like jumping from a plane or running through a burning building where your life is on the line. I’m talking about emotional fear. The kind that makes you leap into your bed and not want to leave. The kind that makes you not want to try things because you fear possible emotional repercussions. I’m talking about embracing being comfortably uncomfortable.

A Little Analogy

Think of the Disney’s version of Rapunzel, Tangled. (If you haven’t seen it, go! IMO, It’s the best Disney movie since The Little Mermaid :))

Rapunzel is stuck in a tower, looking out into the world that she desperately wants to explore but she can’t. Her ‘mother’ keeps her there by filling Rapunzel’s head with fearful thoughts of the outside world. She tells Rapunzel that she is weak, incapable and that everyone is out to get her. The tower is the safest place for her. However, the truth is her “mother’ is a witch and is keeping Rapunzel stuck in the tower for her for own selfish purposes.

Here’s a clip from the movie. Listen to what the mother says to Rapunzel in the song. Do you say some of the same things to yourself?

There’s a side of you that works the same way as the mother. I call her “The Inner Bitch” because that’s what she is, a bitch. Your IB wants to keep you stuck because she thrives on negative energy. She loves it. So she will rear her ugly head and tell you all sorts of nasty things so you won’t leave her lair of darkness. Dramatic, I know haha.

Your Inner Bitch wants to keep you in a cycle of negativity. Don’t let her win.

Leave your tower!

Would you be friends with someone who perpetually puts your down? Would you consistently say nasty things to a child?

I hope not! So, don’t allow your inner bitch to do it to you.

  1. Recognize her. When you start hearing those thoughts, recognize where they’re coming from…the IB. And remember the IB comes in many forms – a nag, self-doubt, a critic, perfectionism . What form does she take in you?
  2. Face her. Remember, she wants to keep you stuck and safe so she can thrive off of your negativity. Don’t listen or believe what she’s saying. If it’s easier for you, give the IB a name. Tell her that you are not going to listen to her.
  3. Feel her wrath. When you first start to turn away from her, she will throw all sorts of scary and mean thoughts into your head to try to keep you where she wants. Don’t get caught up in the thought stream. Just be aware and feel the fear and negativity without succumbing to them. Allow the thoughts to pass without getting tangled up.
  4. Enjoy the aftermath. Once she’s put in her place, you should feel open and a sense of relief.
  5. Be ready. Since she is an intrinsic part of you, she will never fully disappear. She will attempt to take hold of you again. But you can prepare yourself by making yourself stronger. Leave the tower. Do things that scare you. Exercise. Try new things. Play and pamper. Learn and explore.


Photo credit: http://bit.ly/OhIe8J

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica Albon September 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

What great advice, Ali. I especially appreciate the reminder that the IB will throw a tantrum–that tends to be the stickiest stage for me, every single time I go through a big growth phase.


Ali Piazza September 12, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Thanks Jessica:) I agree that it is the trickiest part because it’s completely consuming, isn’t it? But I’ve also come to learn the bigger the tantrum, the more necessary the change.


Lindsay Scoon September 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

That is so true! I have been working hard to start telling myself positive messages instead of negative ones, and I find I am a much happier person. GET RID OF THE IB!!!


Ali Piazza September 12, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Woot woot!! Bye-bye IB :-)


Lili September 13, 2012 at 5:23 am

great post! :)


Ali Piazza September 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Thanks Lili :)


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